My bird doesn't fully trust my hands - newbie - long post

[EmR27]

Hello! I am new here. I have a lot of questions and no one I know in real life to ask them to. I am the only bird owner in my family and social circle as of right now and I really feel alone sometimes when it comes to my boy Booboo. Hence why I decided to join a bird forum.

A little backstory about Boo. I've had him for 9 years come this summer (had him since he was a baby/little). I had a bird before him, Jasmine, who sadly flew away when I was only 10 years old. When Boo was given to me a couple years later, the wound from losing Jasmine was still sore, and Boo and I didn't have the best bonding to start. Every time I looked at him it reminded me of Jasmine and I would burst into tears at the sight of his cute little face. I feel like because of that, those beginning bonding moments never got to really happen/were delayed. Eventually I came around and learned to love my new feathered friend. We have been inseparable ever since! I love him to the moon and back. He is my baby and I cannot imagine life once he passes some day... That being said, there are some things that I still struggle with, with Boo. Boo is an odd bird (to say the least) and I am no where near a perfect owner. Like anything, having Boo has been a major learning curve and I am still learning as I go.

One of the things I struggle with with Boo is the fact that he doesn't fully trust my hands. You would think after 9 years that he would but there are some things that he just doesn't let me do.

A little more backstory, I still live with my parents. They are bonded with Boo, but I am bonded with him more so (I am mommy/friend/mate). Where my parents can't "catch" Boo, I can. He often times will pick my hand to step up onto over theirs and I can coax him from far up places. Where he will sometimes run from my parents, I can get him to come to me, etc. That being said, I am also the main force of "discipline" for Boo. When he is being naughty and needs to be locked up for a bit, I am usually the one to pick him up and stick him into his cage. When he approaches to try and steal my food, I am the one who shoo's him away with my hands. When I mist him, I am the one who does it and when I clip his nails, I am the one who he sees holding his little toes hostage. So understandably, he has some beef with my hands.

One thing that he has always done with my parents that I can never get him to do with me is let me massage him/his head. He loves massages and it is a great way to bond with him in a peaceful manner. He loves to climb onto my moms chest or into my dads big hands and get rubbed. But whenever I try to do it, it's a no go. He just ends up nipping at my hands and struggling against my palm to escape. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous. I want that special bonding time with him and I feel in some small way like a failure for not being able to gain his trust enough to massage him.

Part of me feels like he does this because I didn't allow him in in the beginning. Bonding took time and to this day, we still don't cuddle as much as I would like. I am not a super cuddly person in real life and due to back issues, I often have to change seating positions or lie down, which causes him to want to jump off of me/get down. So any cuddle time we do have is very short lived.

I always see videos of birds online who approach their owners for a pet/rub and/or have no issue with their owner trying to touch them, but Boo isn't like that. Like I said before, he is a bit of an odd bird. However I am unsure whether or not a lot of his oddities are nurture or nature based. Like a first time mom, there are days where I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. I have no one to go to for advice and really feel like I am on my own in this. Google is my best bet for most things but when searching about birds who don't trust their owners hands, almost every single story is about new/baby birds. Boo isn't a baby anymore, but I still struggle. I just love him so much and want to do what is best for him within my means. Has anyone else ever felt like this? Sorry for the long post. I'll try and keep it more concise next time. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read through all this and can give me some advice or at the least, make me feel not so alone in this. - Em <3 P.S. In case it shows up anywhere else on this site, Boo is a cockatiel.