School

[mdg1109]

So I am basically at my wits end. My 10 year old is hating school and it is breaking my heart. He always loved school, loved learning and was eager to go to school up until the middle of last year. His third grade teacher was not the nicest person in the world and I basically told her and the principal at his school that. My son goes to a private school and I feel like we pay a lot of money for him to be there. I do not understand what is going on with him. I have tried talking to him asking him if anyone, anything, something is bothering him and his answer is always no. His response is that he is bored and that he feels like all they do is sit in the classroom cooped up all day.

This morning he was basically in tears begging me to stay home. It is killing me and breaking my heart to see him like this. I do not like the elementary school where we live and unfortunately out of district placement has a waiting list. I am considering homeschooling but I do not know if he would like that or if I would be able to handle that.

:'(

[Mare]

Aww..I'm sorry to hear this, Michelle :(. My oldest son, who is now 32, went through that in the 10th grade. He wanted to be home schooled but I know his reason was because all his loser skateboard friends were doing it but none of them graduated high school, they were always out on the street boarding!

My niece, who I'm very close to, has an eight year old daughter that just went through a tough time with school. My niece, Rosemary, called me and was very worried about Amaryllis not wanting to go to school, hating it, falling behind on homework, etc. They were in and out of the principals office, for months. It finally came to light that there was a boy in Amaryllis's class that was bullying her BUT it was only on the playground where the teacher couldn't observe.

Rosemary started to hang out at the school, where she wasn't noticed and started observing the play area..sure enough, she saw it with her own eyes. She immediately got the attention of the teacher and principal and was willing to take it further if something wasn't done to stop this. Amaryllis now LOVES school! Rosemary can't believe the change in her.

I don't know if this is what's going on with your son, Michelle..but it might be worth investigating.

We have home schooling schools in our area (if that makes sense). They are schools that parents bring their home schooled children to, once or twice a week, for weekly check-ins with a teacher to make sure everyone is on track. I know moms that have used this system and are very impressed with how well it works for all involved, especially the kids. They even go on field trips!

[spiritbird]

Sorry I am no help to you. Wish I had good advice. Is there a counselor to speak with?

[kendrafitz]

I am so sorry. I know how heartbreaking it is when your child is hurting and you can't make it better.

Can you speak with his teacher and see if he/she knows anything? I have also found my kids friends parents to be a great resource. Their kids sometimes tell them things about my kids that I was clueless about. So if you are friendly with any of your sons friends parents maybe they can help.

When my kids have had times of not wanting to go to school it has always been over some social issue. Sometimes I know before it gets too bad and other times not so much. Boys are tough bc they are much more tight lipped than girls for the most part.

Dianne had a good suggestion about the guidance counselor as well. I have been surprised at how in tune ours are with the goings on in the school.

I will be sending you lots of good thoughts.

[Penny]

I had a very similar situation a few years ago. It did turn out to be a bullying situation and we ended up trying to homeschool her for a little while, but while we were in Alaska the resources were not as good as here. It was one of the main pushes to move from Alaska to here in Colorado where she is enrolled in public school, which has been very good for her. We got to the bottom of the situation in Alaska with my daughter by interpreting her art and then talking to her again. I don't know how much that helps. Moving across country is not generally a very workable solution, but I can certainly relate to how you feel.

[lolsavannahh]

I'm sorry :( I know how it feels.. and I agree with your son in that all you are is cooped up all day.. Hope you can talk with him and he will let off some steam and you can come to a conclusion!

[Casper's 2nd best friend]

My first reaction on reading your message was that it did appear to be a classic bullying scenario. Bullying can be mental or physical. I hope the situation improves soon.

[mdg1109]

Thank you all for your positive and kind words. I have tried talking to him about everything and his answer is always the same. He does not like to get anyone in trouble so I can believe that it might be a bullying issue. I did speak with his teacher last week because there were parent teacher conferences but she said that she has not witnessed any kind of social distress, the problem is that different teachers have recess duty so it is not the same teacher all the time.

I am going to look into homeschooling him. I am trying to figure out how to make it work because I have been offered a new job for 3 days a week. I also have my 5 year old who will be starting kindergarten in the fall. I totally wish these kids came with a handbook because I am starting to wonder how we are going to do this :'(

[Casper's 2nd best friend]

Here are some UK help sites - its a big no-no over here
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[Users must be registered and logged in to view attached photos or hyperlinks]
[Users must be registered and logged in to view attached photos or hyperlinks]
Probably all give conflicting advice but that is the wonder of the internet. :)

[kendrafitz]

I'm sorry Michelle. You must be so stressed.

[mdg1109]

I am stressed and frustrated. As a mom (or a parent) you do not like to see your kids struggling and want to fix everything for them. I just wish that he would express what is bothering him. His school is very demanding and challenging but I don't think he should be having a breakdown over school in the morning. I realize that not wanting to go to school is a "normal" kid thing, but he was literally in tears and begging me to stay home yesterday. When I asked him why all he would say is that he needs a break....

I am ready for summer break to be here.

Thank you all for being so supportive.

[kendrafitz]

Michelle - I really don't think not wanting to go to school is a normal kid thing. My kids like school, mostly for the socialization aspect. Classes can be boring but don't generally cause angst, unless there is a mean/tough teacher. So when they say they don't want to go or are acting "off" I typically go with it being other kid related.

Does he confide in anyone else in the family? Maybe if he is close with someone special and they go out for ice cream he will tell them about the problem (with a little gentle prodding).

My son generally doesn't like to tell me things unless he is super upset. But he will tell my husband things. And of course I can have his younger sister get info as well.

I agree, summer (and a break for you both), can't get here soon enough!

[Casper's 2nd best friend]

Thinking back, my school would probably be put in "special needs" nowadays, three teachers committed suicide just in the six years I was there. Nobody seemed to think it was unusual then. There was some bullying, the skinny kid who became David Bowie used to get beaten up regularly I was told (he was about five years older than me). I was fortunate that I was in the "art" stream and they expected us to be a bit different and cut us some slack. My class teacher (we used to call them 'form masters' for reasons lost in the eons of time) was excellent, a small gentle man but very likable and respected by all the kids. He was also Peter Frampton's dad.
So why am I telling you this? Partly to do a bit of outrageous name dropping but also to show that there is much more awareness nowadays and kids and teachers can and do get counselling - which hadn't been invented back then.

[Mare]

Michelle, is your son getting enough sleep at night? I remember my daughter having a rough time getting going some mornings, I just attributed to hormones but my sisters daughter was having the same issues and was diagnosed with sleep apnea. My sister said that when Shar got out of bed in the morning, it looked like a war had gone on,,the sheets and blankets were a tangle. She wasn't sleeping well due to overly large tonsils which caused her to not be able to get enough oxygen hence, waking her up, once removed, changed everything.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. We DO want our children happy. I'm just throwing thoughts out there, experiences I've drawn from.

[Lady]

Wow, I too am sorry your son is having this stress.

How about any of his friends or their parents, could they know anything? Maybe he might of said something to one of his friends and they might of talked to their parents about it.

Could you do any volunteering at the school once a week or so to get some first hand thoughts on how things are generally going on in the class, and/or out in the yard?

When my oldest was in school I did a lot of volunteer work. I got to know some parents and their children, we talked about many things both about how there children were feeling and how they felt about the way the school was run as well. I helped out in the lunch room and in the yard as well as in the classrooms. I ended up working there for six years on the books, things worked out well.

I hope you can find a way to get down to what is bothering him. :th_hug8: