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Thread: My bird doesn't fully trust my hands - newbie - long post

 
  1. #1
    Junior Member
    EmR27's Avatar


    Parrots

    Cockatiel

    My bird doesn't fully trust my hands - newbie - long post

    Hello! I am new here. I have a lot of questions and no one I know in real life to ask them to. I am the only bird owner in my family and social circle as of right now and I really feel alone sometimes when it comes to my boy Booboo. Hence why I decided to join a bird forum.

    A little backstory about Boo. I've had him for 9 years come this summer (had him since he was a baby/little). I had a bird before him, Jasmine, who sadly flew away when I was only 10 years old. When Boo was given to me a couple years later, the wound from losing Jasmine was still sore, and Boo and I didn't have the best bonding to start. Every time I looked at him it reminded me of Jasmine and I would burst into tears at the sight of his cute little face. I feel like because of that, those beginning bonding moments never got to really happen/were delayed. Eventually I came around and learned to love my new feathered friend. We have been inseparable ever since! I love him to the moon and back. He is my baby and I cannot imagine life once he passes some day... That being said, there are some things that I still struggle with, with Boo. Boo is an odd bird (to say the least) and I am no where near a perfect owner. Like anything, having Boo has been a major learning curve and I am still learning as I go.

    One of the things I struggle with with Boo is the fact that he doesn't fully trust my hands. You would think after 9 years that he would but there are some things that he just doesn't let me do.

    A little more backstory, I still live with my parents. They are bonded with Boo, but I am bonded with him more so (I am mommy/friend/mate). Where my parents can't "catch" Boo, I can. He often times will pick my hand to step up onto over theirs and I can coax him from far up places. Where he will sometimes run from my parents, I can get him to come to me, etc. That being said, I am also the main force of "discipline" for Boo. When he is being naughty and needs to be locked up for a bit, I am usually the one to pick him up and stick him into his cage. When he approaches to try and steal my food, I am the one who shoo's him away with my hands. When I mist him, I am the one who does it and when I clip his nails, I am the one who he sees holding his little toes hostage. So understandably, he has some beef with my hands.

    One thing that he has always done with my parents that I can never get him to do with me is let me massage him/his head. He loves massages and it is a great way to bond with him in a peaceful manner. He loves to climb onto my moms chest or into my dads big hands and get rubbed. But whenever I try to do it, it's a no go. He just ends up nipping at my hands and struggling against my palm to escape. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous. I want that special bonding time with him and I feel in some small way like a failure for not being able to gain his trust enough to massage him.

    Part of me feels like he does this because I didn't allow him in in the beginning. Bonding took time and to this day, we still don't cuddle as much as I would like. I am not a super cuddly person in real life and due to back issues, I often have to change seating positions or lie down, which causes him to want to jump off of me/get down. So any cuddle time we do have is very short lived.

    I always see videos of birds online who approach their owners for a pet/rub and/or have no issue with their owner trying to touch them, but Boo isn't like that. Like I said before, he is a bit of an odd bird. However I am unsure whether or not a lot of his oddities are nurture or nature based. Like a first time mom, there are days where I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. I have no one to go to for advice and really feel like I am on my own in this. Google is my best bet for most things but when searching about birds who don't trust their owners hands, almost every single story is about new/baby birds. Boo isn't a baby anymore, but I still struggle. I just love him so much and want to do what is best for him within my means. Has anyone else ever felt like this? Sorry for the long post. I'll try and keep it more concise next time. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read through all this and can give me some advice or at the least, make me feel not so alone in this. - Em <3 P.S. In case it shows up anywhere else on this site, Boo is a cockatiel.

  2. The following user likes this post:

    Casper's 2nd best friend (12-16-2018)

  3. #2
    Super Moderator
    Dragonlady2's Avatar


    Parrots

    Willy-Eclectus, Oliver-alexandrine, Mookie-Senegal, Bella- Australian King, Joey and Peewee- Barrabands, Peachiegirl-Peachfront conure, Pepper- crimson belly conure, Peanut-plum head, Babyblue-parrotlette, Harry and Louie-canaries.
    Hi and welcome to the forum.

    Birds can be quirky little beings. I certainly don’t feel you are a failure just because Boo won’t step up on your hand/fingers. I have birds that don’t like to step up, but will sit on my shoulders for hours if I let them. Is it possible that because you want it to happen so much, Boo is picking up on your stress level? If you place a treat in the palm of your hand will Boo step on your hand to get it? When he is on your shoulder are you able to touch his face or beak with your cheek?
    As well, due to your needing to change position often, it might be that Boo is unsure of what to expect so is ready to take off when you move.

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    Casper's 2nd best friend (12-16-2018)

  5. #3
    Senior Member
    Casper's 2nd best friend's Avatar


    Parrots

    Casper, a blue fronted Amazon. Loves banana. Hates plastic bags and red coats.
    Welcome to Precisely Parrots, Helena has said most of what I was going to say but I will add that Casper wouldn't let me touch him when he came to live with us.
    One day he was on Margaret's lap enjoying being stroked. It was so nice that he relaxed and closed his eyes so I joined in the tickling. When he opened his eyes and realised I was being nice to him he started to accept me as a friend. It was a slow process and he still bit me but the bites gradually became less severe over a period of about six months until he eventually put me in charge of teasing the casings off his pin feathers around his head because I was better at it than Margaret. Its a job that needs a lot of trust and I was honored to be given the task. He still complains noisily if I get it wrong and hurt him but immediately asks for more.
    "A busy beak is a happy beak" - David Strom

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    Dragonlady2 (12-16-2018)

  7. #4
    Junior Member
    EmR27's Avatar


    Parrots

    Cockatiel
    Boo's issue isn't stepping up, it is him not trusting me to hold him and rub his head and/or pet his head or give him rubs. Maybe he is picking up my stress with it... He for the most part will take food from my hands but he is cautious about it since I am so strict when it comes to him not getting people food. As far as him sitting on my shoulder, he really likes it but leaves after a while. Again, probably has to do with how much I have to shift around. He will sometimes let me set my cheek onto his beak but he is also very quick to give me some warning nibbles if he isn't in the mood.

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    Casper's 2nd best friend (12-18-2018)

  9. #5
    Junior Member
    EmR27's Avatar


    Parrots

    Cockatiel
    Also the other night my mom was giving him a massage and I walked up and gently joined in, rubbing his head some and around his neck. The usual happened though. He had no issue until he turned his head around, saw it was me and then made a fuss. He is very picky when it comes to rubs. Maybe I am just not doing it to his liking? Not sure...

    There are more issues that I have with boo than just this. This was just the first thing that came to mind though since it is something that bothers me so much. I just want that special bonding time with him and it hurts that he doesn't trust me to just pick him up and give him some cuddles/rubs.
    Last edited by EmR27; 12-18-2018 at 12:47 AM.

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    Casper's 2nd best friend (12-18-2018)

  11. #6
    Senior Member
    Casper's 2nd best friend's Avatar


    Parrots

    Casper, a blue fronted Amazon. Loves banana. Hates plastic bags and red coats.
    They do pick up on your vibes, the more time you spend together the more relaxed you will both be. When Casper came to live with us everything we read said that parrots are one person birds. It took about six months of him resisting my offers of friendship before he stopped randomly taking a chunk out of me just to show who was boss. Now we just get along fine so keep persevering
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    Last edited by Casper's 2nd best friend; 12-18-2018 at 10:51 AM.
    "A busy beak is a happy beak" - David Strom

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    Dragonlady2 (12-18-2018)

  13. #7
    Super Moderator
    Lady's Avatar


    Parrots

    Illiger Macaw (Primolius maracana)
    Hi WmR,

    I hear you about not being able to pet or cuddle your Boo.

    I've been working with my Illiger's Macaw for ten years and she will only let me scratch her head when she wants me too, not always when I want too. She is has never cuddled anyone that we are aware of. She just isn't that way. She will allow me to pick her up but doesn't like to step up when she is near or in or on her cage. She is a girl with her own wants and that's okay.

    We spend hours together most days and there are other things we do enjoy together.

    I decided years ago that our relationship will be what she wants it to be, not because I can't but because I feel she has to have some control in her life. I try to imagine the shoe on the other foot. I try to teach her choice. If you let me change your food dish, you will have fresh food, if you let me take your cover off your cage without trying to grab my fingers, you will see light, if you let me touch your head you get a treat....

    It is also great to learn their body language and when might be a good time to get her to do something I want her to do then a special treat is always given. I guess a good word in our relationship is compromise. It works for us. I hope you come to a compromise with your Boo.

  14. The following 2 users like this post:

    Casper's 2nd best friend (12-23-2018), Dragonlady2 (12-23-2018)

  15. #8
    Senior Member
    rivx's Avatar


    Parrots

    Two cockatiel hens named Gracie & Matilda
    Could it be that Boo just wants certain relationships with certain people? My Gracie will rarely step up for me without bribe, but my mom (who is not the main caregiver) can get her up without problem most of the time.

    Gracie let's me give her scritches for hours on end, but is rarely the same with other people. If they scritch her, like with Boo, it's only for a little bit until she starts getting fussy with them. I haven't had her quite as long, so I'm not sure, but I like to think she just has a more complex understanding of relationships than most people would think. There are friends I like to do certain things with more than others, too -- I apply this same understanding to her.

    Of course, it doesn't hurt to keep trying. Feeding millet and putting your fingers above his head might help, touching him gently when he allows. Good luck.

  16. The following 3 users like this post:

    Casper's 2nd best friend (12-23-2018), Dragonlady2 (12-23-2018), Lady (12-28-2018)

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