The Anniversary of Zaffer Entering My Life

[plax]

As of yesterday, it's been two months since Zaffer left life, and me. Today, April 21, is the 18-year anniversary of meeting him for the first time at the air terminal. That evening, he was flown to me via Delta Airlines from the state of Indiana (where he'd been in boarding for the past year). April 21, 2005 will forever be one of the most cherished days of my life. It was the beginning of so much for us. We quickly developed an inseparable bond and would share many wonderful years together. Zaf needed a home... and I so very much needed him in my life. Acquiring him was the best decision I ever made. He was my perfect companion! I loved him immeasurably :'(

I miss you, Kiddo!

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[Dragonlady2]

What a beautiful picture of Zaffer! I know it’s hard to see any joy while grieving for the loss of Zaffer…but 18 years of happiness and companionship is something worth celebrating as well. It may help, to balance out some of the devastation you are feeling.

[PlaxMacaws]

On April 21 of 2005, I drove to an airport terminal in Portland, Oregon to meet a beautiful soul who would become my most cherished lifetime companion. He was a gorgeous, but homeless, hyacinth macaw who was in desperate need of someone to love and care for him. I named him "Zaffer." It was the beginning of an incredible, yet heartbreaking relationship.

The flight arrived around dusk that evening. I reported to the terminal counter just before it touched the runway. I then waited anxiously through the cargo offload period. The attendant eventually wheeled a dolly into view upon which I could see a striking blue macaw within a large transport crate. That macaw of course was my new companion, Zaffer... he was about to change my life forever (and I, his). I still remember the attendant's comment as they approached the counter. He said, "Now THAT'S a bird!" I could not disagree with the remark. Zaffer was quite an impressive sight!

Zaf's feet were tightly clinching the bars of the crate door as he surveyed the surroundings and gazed ahead. He was astonishingly beautiful to me! I enthusiastically uttered my first greeting to him as he observed me through the bars. He remained silent, maintaining a relative calmness. He seemed focused on merely watching the activity from his hanging post on the crate door. There was a dowel perch mounted in the crate, but he seemed disinterested in utilizing it.

Soon it became time for us to leave. I thus proceeded to sign the paperwork and load Zaf's crate into my vehicle for our trip to his new home. As they say, the rest is history.

It disturbs me beyond measure that grave pain and suffering became intertwined with all of the love and fun Zaffer and I shared through the years :'( I adored my loving friend... to helplessly watch him fade in pain was an absolutely horrific experience. I miss him infinitely :heart_broken:

Note:
Zaffer passed away 14 months ago. My dearly loved military macaw, Maynard, passed away 5 years ago. Maynard died on March 29, 2019. He took his last breath as I was rushing to transport him to the veterinary clinic to be euthanized. So disturbingly, Maynard experienced unimaginable agony before he passed away. He'd suffered a major stroke in 2011 and developed a severe seizure disorder that would eventually impair his ability to function (on multiple levels). I will be forever haunted by his severe suffering, as well as by the suffering Zaffer experienced during his final days. This year (2024), I spent March 29 at our local hospital's emergency department for my own cardiovascular issue. Naturally, Zaf and Maynard were on my mind (as they continue to be each day). It is a brutal world.

Some photos:

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[Dragonlady2]

A beautiful memorial to two special birds. You are an eloquent writer…maybe you should consider writing a book about them?

Hope your health issues are not too severe. Life has a way of reminding us of our frailties. Please take care of yourself.

[PlaxMacaws]

A beautiful memorial to two special birds. You are an eloquent writer…maybe you should consider writing a book about them?

Hope your health issues are not too severe. Life has a way of reminding us of our frailties. Please take care of yourself.

Thanks, Helena. One problem is that I'd be writing about Zaf and Maynard more for myself than for them. Losing them has been extremely hard on me... which I've often expressed to others. I've found that among most folks, there's little to no interest concerning who Zaffer and Maynard truly were as individuals. I think the feeling is that each of them is just another pet who passed away - after all, many pets everywhere die each day. Even my siblings demonstrate a certain apathy about my loss and the associated deep feelings I have. I'm afraid Zaf and Maynard were only extra special to me, and to me alone. They have no legacy... other than that which lives on in my mind. I was the only one who truly knew them. Sadly, once I'm gone, who those beautiful individuals genuinely were - which I alone know - will vanish as well. So, again, I feel writing about my guys would be mostly for myself while I'm still here. I hope that makes some sense.

In any case, I do appreciate your thoughts and your concern, Helena. Thanks again.

[plax]

Today has momentous meaning for me. It's the 20th anniversary of the day my cherished companion, Zaffer, entered my life (4/21/2005). It's rather hard to imagine our initial union took place 20 long years ago. I will never forget meeting Zaf at the air cargo terminal on that day. I remember the terminal worker wheeling Zaf's transport carrier into view and emphatically commenting, "Now THAT'S a bird!" I then remember leaning toward the mesh door of Zaf's carrier, upon which he was firmly affixed with his clinched toes looking outward at us, then uttering my first ever words to him. It was such an amazing feeling to greet my new astonishingly impressive blue friend. I'm unsure what was going through his mind, but he appeared quite calm. I still have the very transport carrier he arrived in and I will forever treasure it. From that beginning, so long ago, Zaffer was to remain by my side for nearly 18 years. He passed away on February 20, 2023. Losing him and living without him has resulted in ongoing devastation for me - more so than any loss I've experienced in life! The pain is relentless.

I have been reminiscing about my experiences relating to Zaffer and my other macaws. Naturally, his emergence into my world in 2005 and his death just over 2 years ago were monumental experiences for me. But at the 7-year point after my acquisition of Zaf, life brought yet another emotional hardship upon me. In May of 2012, a dear personal friend of mine passed away from a brain hemorrhage. She was the human mom to a Green-wing Macaw named Salsa. Per her wish and our prearranged agreement, it was planned that Salsa would come live with me and my own flock in the event of her incapacitation or death. So sadly, the latter tragically occurred. Soon after Salsa's integration into my flock (mid-2012), I decided to join the Parrot Forums message board community. My intent was to begin interacting with other parrot enthusiasts. I thought it would be interesting to share experiences and exchange ideas with a discussion community about life with these incredible avian beings.

I seemed to fit in quite well with the community at Parrot Forums. I made lots of friends there... including with a number of folks who, like me, kept large macaws. We all supported one another and through the thread discussions shared portions of our lives relating to our feathered companions. I learned new things from those exchanges and even offered advice to others when I felt qualified to do so. Everyone seemed so supportive and enthusiastic. I genuinely felt that my birds and I were part of the perfect online avian community.

Everyone at PF loved it when I'd post about Zaffer and the various interactions among my flock. At the time, Zaf was alive, vibrant, and full of personality. He was a strikingly impressive bird and everyone adored him!

After many enjoyable months at PF, things began to change. At the outset of 2013, apparently as a way to enhance personal popularity among the PF community, a small number of members began posting dangerous descriptions in which they spoke of intermingling their companion birds with predatory pets (cats and larger dogs). I kindly and respectfully warned those individuals of the risks/potential dangers of such intermingling. My concerns were respectfully echoed by several of my PF friends. Despite our respectful approach, some comments of resentment with rudeness ensued from those endorsing the dangerous intermingling situations. One of my friends was a PF moderator and supported the safety concerns associated with intermingling predatory species with prey species. But PF community rules did not preclude presentation of such dangerous scenarios and the administrators there seemed unconcerned and unwilling to take a stance on the matter. Hence, an agreement was established between myself and 2 of my PF friends. We commenced with a plan to build and launch the Precisely Parrots Companion Bird Support Community. It was to be an avian discussion forum with a primary focus on pet bird safety. PP was launched and went public on April 11, 2013.

So, the compelling reason for PP's creation was that my PF friends and I were discouraged by PF upper management's dismissive attitude concerning bird safety. Their apathy and unwillingness to implement rules that could serve to protect companion birds from serious, potentially fatal, and mostly avoidable accidents were unacceptable. We thus felt a bird-safe message board was needed. That sentiment became the fuel exclusively responsible for inspiring the partnership that quickly established this very message board. We started strong and created a charter with rules that held bird safety as our nonnegotiable priority. My PF partner friends and I were abruptly banned from the PF community once administrators there learned of PP's existence. But each of us held to our pledge of support for the bird safety mission as PP's driving objective... that was, until some of the moderator and administrator folks suddenly began allowing dangerous materials to slip through in certain thread discussions (i.e., content potentially harmful to pet birds). Unfortunately, this development resulted in a falling out among the PP partner team, our moderator staff, and myself. A substantial exodus from the community of regular PP members followed. The gravity of the stated disruption in conjunction with the increasing popularity of Facebook Groups and other social media platforms compelled the beginning of the end for the Precisely Parrots community and its potential future success. One might say that the passion bringing PP to life ultimately destroyed it. Regardless of those PP dynamics, Zaf and my flock have always been my greatest personal priority. PP is just a website. So I never tried to save what was left of its user base, much less build up its community again. (Just to note: I'm not planning on taking PP permanently offline anytime soon. But still, its future remains indefinite.)

I've shared a vast amount with the world about Zaffer (and his life with me) among a multitude of threads on the Precisely Parrots and Parrot Forums internet community message boards. My posts about him on both sites live on as searchable records of our cherished time together. I periodically read through those threads containing my conversations and memories. When I do, deep feelings immediately begin flooding through my mind. The past is gone. My memories live on. I often find myself clinging to those memories - and to an excessive extent at times.

I realize that not many folks read or are much concerned with my posts expressing my feelings about my loss of Zaffer. Yet these posts have become an outlet for my ongoing grief. People adored Zaf while he was alive. However, I understand it's not reasonable to expect them to adore someone who no longer exists. In any case, I will always adore him!

I miss you, my sweet friend :hy::heart_broken::'(

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Time keeps moving me further and further away from him. I despise time!

[Dragonlady2]

I am not very expressive with words. You have expressed your emotion/feelings very well in your relationship with Zaf so that I can understand and empathize with your experience. It relates to my own similar experiences with pet loss. I have read your posts and shed a few tears for us both.

As to the forum; with the advent of social media, bots etc it’s hard to keep legitimate sites running. For people who may come and explore the PP forum, there is valuable information and other experiences to take away.

Your posts about Zaf are kind of a memorial to him. I always read them. Others may too. They are important.

[plax]

I am not very expressive with words. You have expressed your emotion/feelings very well in your relationship with Zaf so that I can understand and empathize with your experience. It relates to my own similar experiences with pet loss. I have read your posts and shed a few tears for us both.

As to the forum; with the advent of social media, bots etc it’s hard to keep legitimate sites running. For people who may come and explore the PP forum, there is valuable information and other experiences to take away.

Your posts about Zaf are kind of a memorial to him. I always read them. Others may too. They are important.Thank you, Helena.

When it comes to the deep feelings I have that stem from my emotional pain, my related thoughts tend to accumulate and intensify. Expressing part of that negative energy somewhere seems to help me cope (to an extent at least). Since the PP site still exists and since for me its existence has always been connected to my relationship with Zaffer, it offers at least some level of relief for me. As such, when I post about my thoughts and feelings relating to my loss of Zaf (and my struggle with the associated grief), I'm not necessarily trying to inspire an extended dialog between myself and others. It's more that I'm just venting... and in so doing, trying to diminish a small portion of my discomfort. So I hope you don't feel obligated to respond to each of my redundancies.


Please know, though, Helena, that I've appreciated and value each of your responses. I know you can relate to some of my feelings and that you understand my plight. And believe me, that knowledge does help. Likewise, I empathize with you concerning your own loss of dear companions.