Bonding Question

[runawaycoconut]

Hi, I have had a cockatiel named Vivi for about 9 months now. Vivi doesn't like to be touched but will step up on your hand if you insist. I try feeding her millet and while she will take it she bites the hand holding it pretty frequently at the same time. I want to have a beter bond with Vivi. But not sure how, occasionally she flies on to my head but I've been discouraging it because I was thinking it was a dominance maneuver. (Also she relieves herself in my hair, which I don't really like) But I was thinking if I let her stay would that be better bonding time between us?

[PlaxMacaws]

Hi runawaycoconut. Thanks for joining us.

Each bird can be so different from others personality wise. How old was Vivi when you acquired her? Do you know much about her background/former home and how she was treated? Sometimes a bird who prefers no touching and often nips can learn to accept more contact on a progressive basis. Other times no improvements may occur. Every bird carries the effects from its prior conditioning as well as its own inherent inclinations.

We have several Cockatiel owners here who I'm sure will chime in with some advice for you. At the very least, you may be able to improve how Vivi responds to your advances... but it could take a bit of patience on your part. Some birds are very set in their ways. Lets first see what some other Cockatiel owners have to say on the matter.

By the way, I can't blame you for not really appreciating Vivi's droppings in your hair ;)

[spiritbird]

I speak from experience with a pet store Cockatiel, something I tell others to stay away from. Do you spend quality time with Vivi? That is important when you want a strong bond with a bird. A Cockatiel is usually very social and thrives on close bonds with the members of her flock. For the captive cockatiel, that's you. It's not a daunting challenge to strike up a friendship with your bird. but building a relationship with your Cockatiel requires the same strong foundation as a human bond: time, trust, respect and mutual affection. Try to establish a routine of the one on one time with your bird. If you can, make it the same time every day and in the same place. That way Vivi will feel comfortable. Cockatiels love to be stroked on the top of their head. Mine sure did. That is something to teach them, it does not automatically come into play.

Mealtime is a good time to be with your bird. If you are comfortable with it share some of the food on your plate. If you can, get a table top bird stand so Vivi can be near to you during mealtime. Playing with your cockatiel is one of the easiest and most enjoyable ways to bond with your bird. You can add a playtime session every day with toys Vivi likes.

You say she does not like to be touched. I am betting that stems from a former home or breeding environment. Holding millet will help a great deal with showing her your hands are "friendly". You may want to think about perch training her to step up on a perch when it is millet time. That way the bites will slow down. You could also put the millet spray in a holder and present it to her with your hands touching the holder. Here is a video to demo what I mean: (the Cockatiel in the video is also biting the hands that hold the millet)


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Good luck and remember bird training can be fun!:woohoo-dancing-bana:woohoo-dancing-bana

[runawaycoconut]

Thank for the replies. Vivi was about 3 months according to the pet store clerk. And yes she was a pet store cockatiel, she was the friendliest and seemed the most adaptable bird there, she stepped up gently nibbled and seemed content. When we came home she had the shocked phase for about three days, to be honest I didn't leave her alone and handled her during that time. When she started to show more personality it was mostly standoffish, and then she started to bite I think she was upset because we took her from her relatively happy place in the pet store with other cockatiels. As she grew more bolder she would come over to sleep in my hammock but would hiss every time I tried to get into it. Fortunately she still let me sleep on it. Her cage is always open as well as the budgie I got about 5 months ago but if I'm being honest I don't spend as much time I should with them. Generally just give them treats and feed and water them. However I do want to have a stronger bond with them so I've decided I will spend more time with them. I make bird sounds at them and feed them millet, do you have any other suggestions of how to play with them?

[PlaxMacaws]

Thank for the replies. Vivi was about 3 months according to the pet stork clerk. And yes she was a pet store cockatiel, she was the friendliest and seemed the most adaptable bird there, she stepped up gently nibbled and seemed content. When we came home she had the shocked phase for about three days, to be honest I didn't leave her alone and handled her during that time. When she started to show more personality it was mostly standoffish, and then she started to bite I think she was upset because we took her from her relatively happy place in the pet store with other cockatiels. As she grew more bolder she would come over to sleep in my hammock but would hiss every time I tried to get into it. Fortunately she still let me sleep on it. Her cage is always open as well as the budgie I got about 5 months ago but if I'm being honest I don't spend as much time I should with them. Generally just give them treats and feed and water them. However I do want to have a stronger bond with them so I've decided I will spend more time with them. I make bird sounds at them and feed them millet, do you have any other suggestions of how to play with them?What is your typical response when Vivi begins to nip you? And is it light nipping (no broken skin)?

[runawaycoconut]

If I am feeding her millet and she bites I stop feeding her, but if I want her to step up I ignore the biting, she has only broken the skin once but that was when I was untangling her from a string for the blinds that had wrapped around her wing.

[PlaxMacaws]

If I am feeding her millet and she bites I stop feeding her, but if I want her to step up I ignore the biting, she has only broken the skin once but that was when I was untangling her from a string for the blinds that had wrapped around her wing.I think one of your best approaches will be to attempt desensitization within her from the situations that stimulate her to nip. Try scratching her head lightly, and do so on a frequent basis. You may not be able to do it for long at first... but keep at it and the duration she tolerates should increase bit by bit. If she decides at some point that it feels good, you will gain an advantage. The more time she spends near you receiving tender contact and affection, the more likely her acts of resistance will diminish. But be mindful that it's not going to happen over night. And please take note of some of the other suggestions that spiritbird offered. I'm sure other Cockatiel owners will comment here as well. All is not lost... but she may never quite be the perfect cuddlebug. Give her a chance, though. And please be patient :)

[Robyn]

Since she has such an adversion to you get a table top play stand sprinkle the bottom with seeds to desensitize her to it and keep it around you for a few weeks 3-4 preferably during this time do not try to handle or touch her as you need to desensize her to you as well just talk to her and sit near her. Use a perch to get her to step up when she is desensitized to you she will start showing interest in you take your time getting her to step up then slowly work toward petting and scratching her head.

[spiritbird]

Good advice from everyone.

[Robyn]

How is Vivi doing?

[Mare]

I'm just now reading this thread and my cockatiel, Chip, still won't let me touch him after a year. He likes me, I know this because he likes to be near me or on me, he will fly to my shoulder, but he won't let me touch him with my hand, never has and I've accepted this. He's a lovely, happy bird..just does not like to be touched and I'm ok with this :).

[Lady]

I just saw this thread today as well. Lady will accept some touching...... when she wants it. I'm hoping some day with lots of love and patience she will allow more. I think if I'm more consistent with clicker/target training it will become easier in time. No rush tho, but boy would I just love it~ she is so darn cute how could I not want to cuddle her and scratch all her hard to reach spots!