A Valentino update

[noblemacaw]

Hi Everyone,

With all the complications in my life and being in severe transition Valentino seems to be weathering it alright. I do have some concerns that I hope will right themselves after my Ex moves out.

I don't think with the placing of my dog and cat have affected Valentino very much. I am sure he noticed they are gone but I noticed no changes in his behavior. However this past weekend my Ex took Julio the noble macaw we adopted last year back to the rescue. Since Saturday when Julio was taken Valentino has noticed his little friend is gone. Granted they did not interact much physically they did talk to each other. When I took Valentino out of Julio's line of site he would call for Valentino. When Julio was taken out Valentino did want to know where he was as well. I will say neither bird was bonded to the other but their cages were side by side and in some way after a year they have formed some kind of relationship.

I know it has only been since Saturday that Julio was taken back but I can't help but worry that Valentino is now the only parrot AND the only animal in the house. For now I can meet his needs to prevent him from being too lonely and I do realize he is probably confused why Julio is not longer in his cage but I do worry about when I have to spend all day at a job, and spend time with the commute five days a week. I would of kept Julio if I could as my Ex was alright with me keeping but the situation kept changing and the house was not in foreclosure at the time. My situation of getting back on my feet have accelerated to now only having 4 months to accomplish getting stable full time work after being out of the workforce for 4 years. It simply came down to that I cannot afford Julio (he had to go to the vet every 3 months for beak trims (crooked beak) and his doctor wanted more exams done on him. My Ex was suppose to take Julio in during March but it never happened (too cheap even though it was affordable for my Ex). I learned that I could not count on my Ex paying for Julio's upkeep so I said I could not keep him.

The difficult decision of not taking Julio for my own was very hard for me to make. I had to make the decision for what is the best for Julio. As much as I wanted to keep him I will not be able to afford his care. The rescue he came from now has him and his original foster mom has him. This is the best for Julio.

Now I realize Valentino is now on the bubble. First he is now the only animal in the house and I know RFM's do better in flocks. I can't be his flock 24/7 and it will be only me moving forward. I have some time to work out the homeless situation as I will have about a year in my current house before the bank takes it. My Ex wants to be out of here by end of August so this gives me 4 months to find a stable full time job.

I worry about Valentino being a single parrot. With others experience will this be a quality of life for a RFM?

I worry that I will not be able to get on my feet fast enough. If I end up homeless I know I can have Valentino fostered but I also wonder if it would be best for him to rehome him and walk away. This is so he can form the bond with his new flock and be able to move on from his bond with me.

My objective is to be able to keep Valentino but I want the best quality of life for him. I worry as a single parrot he will not have that quality of life with me working full time.

I would love to hear from others that were in some what the same situation as I. I really appreciate it. Please try not to make posts that start out as "I am not trying to be mean but..." I don't need to be reamed about the situation I am in but would like some positive support. I thought long and hard with posting my dilemma and questions on this forum because of what happened to me on the other forum but please bear in mind I am trying to do what is best for Valentino even if it comes down to it that I have to rehome him for his sake. I love Valentino but I need to understand that with the way things are for him now if that quality of life is now compromised.

I can go into behavior changes but I am not ready for that yet.

Thank you for understanding and not judging me.

[Honesty]

Hi Rebecca,

I am so sorry you had to take Julio back to the rescue! I know how hard this must have been for you :(

None of us here would judge you! We are all here to support you :th_hug8:You have been through so much in the last few months and have managed to slowly get your life back together again!

I think you will find, Valentino will adjust to your new routine. It may take him a couple of weeks but, I am sure he will :)

We all know you love Valentino and need to do what is right for your situation!

Wishing you the best of luck Rebecca and remember, we are here for you :th_heart:

[Turquoise]

Rebecca, I am so sorry as well that you could not keep Julio and I can feel your pain through your writing about it. I do so understand it is best for Julio, Valentino and you. :th_hug8:

I am also sorry to hear that some folks have chosen to bash you in a time of need. Too often people don't take a step back and ask themselves, "What would I do in a situation like this if it happened to me?" I would hope that these folks would do what was best for all involved just as you have had to do. We all need to come down to earth and remember none of us knows what the future has in store for us. Any one of us could be in a similar situation literally overnight!! Over here we give out hugs~~lots of hugs and kind understanding when life kicks one of our fellow flock members in the guts. :grouphug:

I can't help you with how an RFM deals with stress of becoming an only parrot after having a buddy. I have never owned one, but like Wendy said I feel Valentino will adjust because he still has you! Our feathered kids are amazing and understand more than we sometimes give them credit for. You might could try playing one of the videos designed to entertain parrots while their parronts are at work. There are several on the internet you could download and see if it helps if Valentino misses having a friend around. :)

[noblemacaw]

Thank you both for such kind responses. I belong to two bird forums and one thing I know is that people who are on these forums are very passionate about their parrots. I posted my dilemma on the other forum and I will say most people were helpful but after a rather hurtful post (I am sure the poster didn't mean for it to be hurtful but to help) and that particular post got several high level people thanking it I had to reevaluate the post I had made (it was pretty emotional and personal) and realized it was inappropriate. I then publicly apologized and requested a Mod with more rights than I had as a user to delete my thread. I understand it was my mistake to post such a personal post about what to do with Valentino and I don't want to make that mistake again.

I have good days and a heck of a lot of bad days. It is during the bad days when I want to be able to communicate with someone and cannot always do this. I do receive help though the VA with my depression and other health miladies and have a appointment every two weeks to talk to someone but I will admit there are times I REALLY need to communicate and no one is really available. I think that by my "pouring out" onto a public forum was not a good thing to do. I ended up feeling remorseful for posting it because I think by telling of the response from the post that hurt was an indication to me I probably was making some of the members uncomfortable for making the post. I will try not to do that again on a public forum.

I am in serious transition and the game keeps changing on me. I just can't keep up. It does feel like I'm being slowly squeezed into homelessness with not a proper chance to get back on my feet. I get backed up into a corner and I panic. The stress can be unbelievable and I know it affects Valentino. The short of my situation is this..I trusted the person I love to take care of me and take care of things while I was very ill. When I was at my most vulnerable I was betrayed. It does feel like to me my Ex is accelerating the situation so that they can move on at any price. First it was two years of time in which to procure employment so that I can support myself in the house I BOUGHT. Then I learned that two years was shrunk down to about 9 months because my Ex didn't make all the mortgage payments last year. Now I have until the end of August to procure full time employment because the Ex is moving out then and does not care if I am able to pay the bills or not.

Live threw me a HUGE curve ball here and the freakin' rules keep changing. It does feel like I am not given much of a chance to get back on my feet. I know I have to make this work and I have four months to accomplish something I was not able to do in four YEARS. Becoming homeless is my biggest fear right now and I am doing what ever I can for that to NOT happen. Yes, I lost my house. I can't ever pay back to the bank the back paid owed. Now the Ex has totally stopped paying it and foreclosure proceedings are going to start very soon. I really have a problem with my Valentino because the future is so unknown right now. My stress does him no good but I selfishly admit our cuddles and his affection help me feel so much better. I have to keep prospective here. If what is happening to me affects Valentino negatively and compromises his quality of live I have to reevaluate this and possibly have to re-home him. Life is very hard right now and I hope the outcome during this transition is that I do not end up becoming homeless and will be able to keep Valentino with me.

I need a lot of prayers.
I will need to produce miracles.

[Turquoise]

Rebecca, there are many of us who are here for you and you can talk with me anytime you need. :th_hug8: I may not be on the forum or be around my computer at the time due to work or something else. But I assure you I will get back with you and will passionately listen. I understand when you just need someone to listen and not do all the talking, I am a good listener. I only wished I had a solution for you.

I will keep you in my prayers that a miracle comes your way soon. And I am sending you and Valentino Good Karma. :)

[PlaxMacaws]

Hey Rebecca... I feel the same as De'Andrea and Wendy. I know how much you love those birds and that you've striven to do what's best for them despite what life has thrown your way. I'm certainly saddened to hear about Julio... at least it sounds like he's being cared for by someone he knows. I would encourage you as well to try and keep Valentino if at all possible. These guys can sometimes surprise us as far as how adaptable they can turn out to be when certain difficult life issues arise. I like De'Andrea's idea about the parrot entertainment videos... and you can also leave the TV on a cartoon channel for him. You might give it a try and see how Valentino takes to it for a while before you make the huge decision to re-home him. One very important factor is that he loves you, and you him! In my opinion that's 90% of the equation. I have no doubt that you'll do what's best for Valentino.

I'm so sorry about what you've been going though, Rebecca. De'Andrea is correct in that none of us is entirely immune from the potential for a major life disruption. Very few in this world can have absolute assurance that their home will always remain their home. I think everyone would do well to realize this fact and apply a bit of empathy toward those suffering from hardship.

Please do keep us posted!

[Honesty]

Rebecca, you are amongst friends here and we are here whenever you need to talk. I am also here for you and you are welcome to message me anytime! I know we are unable to rectify your situation for you but, sometimes having someone to talk to can ease the pain!

You and Valentino will be in my thoughts and I am sending lots of positive energy your way :th_hug8:

[Grey]

Rebecca:

I don't know you, but I sympathize with what you are going through. I have dealt with severe depression my entire life. Since you are receiving assistance from VA, I would assume that you are former military. Here is some completely unsolicited advice from a stranger that might help you:


1. Contact the Legal Aid Office at your nearest military installation and see what advice they can offer. Every branch of the service has an aid society for current and former military members that give grants to military people in need. The Air Force Aid Society helped my mom keep her house when my dad died.
2. Contact other military charities, military folks are amazing when it comes to taking care of their own. Hire a lawyer and file bankruptcy: it immediately stops a foreclosure. There was a story in the Tampa Bay Times about a man who held off foreclosure for 12 years by doing this (an abuse of the system yes, but still effective and legal).
3. Talk to your healthcare provider and tell them your concerns about not having someone to talk to when you need it. Many facilities (VA included) have a telephone staffed with nurses that can help, I have mine on speed dial.
4. Forget about yesterday, there is nothing you can do to change anything that has happened, so no need to trouble yourself with coulda, shoulda, wouldas.
5.Focus on what you need to do today, tomorrow, and next week. After that, things get too fuzzy and out of your control. When things are out of your control, they hit your depression buttons hardest.
6. Make the plans to foster Valentino now, arrange the home, prepare the written agreement, etc. When that is done, file it away knowing that he is already taken care of if the need arises. That said, do everything you can to keep him with you.
7. By your use of the word "partner" ( I had read your original post in the other forum before I left)I am assuming that you are LGBT (If I am wrong, please forgive me). Contact local and state LGBT organizations and see if they can provide resources or contacts to assist your situation. I don't know where you live, but in many Blue states there is a very strong network in place that can provide referrals for assistance.
8. Most important, you have to believe that you will overcome these hurdles for no one else but you (not even Valentino)
9. Good luck and keep us posted

[Debra]

Rebecca -- I'm praying for you. I've been through a divorce, only I had a 3 year old child and no birds, had to move in with my folks so was basically homeless for a while. I understand how tough it is for you and I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I've battled with depression (undiagnosed for several years -- maybe 10 -- and diagnosed since 1999 when I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder). Like Wendy, if you ever need to vent anything you can message me. I may not have any answers, but I do have shoulders to cry on and ears (eyes) to listen.

[Mare]

Oh, Rebecca, I too, am here for moral support. Life can throw some hard balls, this is for sure. I believe foster care should be considered, for Valentino, if things become anymore unsure. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Valentino.

[noblemacaw]

Yes, I am a veteran. I have been getting my medical care at the VA since 2005 because I ended up with no medical insurance since I left the TSA. I have utilized many resources that Veterans have out here but you need a income to be able to get assistance. Why would they back pay my mortgage to get it current if I can't pay next months mortgage payment. Its pretty much as simple as that. As for getting assistance from my county or state. I have no children so it is very HARD to get anything from the county. It took me over six months to get food stamps (EBT). EBT is my only income, period.

It is also very very difficult to find a lawyer to take a bankruptcy case and not get paid. As much as this sucked I ended up calling my godfather who is a retired realitor lawyer and he referred me to a good friend of his. His fee was half of what it costs to have this done so again I had to beg for money. My sister came through for me and paid the lawyer his fee and I went in today to get the process started. My case is so simple because I have NO ASSETS, no job, no bank account so its pretty cut and dry. Took me 10 minuets to fill out the paperwork. So...at least I stopped the foreclosure and the collection harassing calls will stop soon. On paper my debt is not really bad but because my partner has stopped paying my bills they come at you hard quickly. Added stress and I am relieved this will soon stop. Since I am upside down on the mortgage its really not worth fighting to keep my house anymore as much as that sucks.

As for getting help from any kind of GLBT organization its not going to happen. I am not part of that community and most people I know have pretty much turned their backs to me and side with Lupe. Word does get around so that well is dried up. It is almost a relief that I can present to society as hetro again. It sure is easier to live that way with a lot less stress and bull crap I have to deal with. No more hiding and no more pretending. In my heart I know I would never get involved with another woman. It's just not who I ever was. Please don't think I have suddenly turned against GLBT I still am a avid supporter of gay rights but I don't have to live the lifestyle anymore. HUGE relief for me not to have to do that. It is so refreshing not to get "that look" or people judging me constantly. It can get pretty bad up here.

It boils down to I have to get a full time job that pays enough so I can support myself. Cheapest rent for a 1 bedroom is $850 which is more than my mortgage is. I need to make enough money to be able to pay rent and support a car and be able to eat along with other bills needed to be paid (student loans are gonna come after me once I start working) I have good skills for a better paying job. I worked in IT for 20 years and have a computer forensics degree but I have not been in the workforce for 4 years and I am 51 years old. Sure there is a lot going against me but I HAVE to make this work. I NEED to get a well paying full time job before the end of August.

The past six months have been hell. I get that and am trying to be strong and remain in good health so I can get the things done that need to be done. I can't afford to make any mistakes because I have no room to recover from them. I do NOT want to end up homeless with no job and lose what little I have left. I do have the fear my health will go south again. I pray that does not happen. I also feel my Ex accelerates everything making it more difficult for me to succeed. She is not the same person I knew that I fell in love with and built a life with and was going to grow old with. Not by a long shot. She can be selfish, immature and has no common sense. The person I fell in love with is gone. It would not surprise me if she announces to me she is moving out tomorrow which would leave me in this house with no way to pay the bills. I can't just run down the street and grab a job at Target, gas station or Menards because I physically can't handle jobs like that anymore. My Ex is not sleeping well and seems depressed. That is the guilt eating at her but she continues to sabotage any aspect of success that I need.

I guess I broke my promise and got too personal. Please if my posts make anyone uncomfortable please let me know. I will delete them or have the thread deleted. I don't want to alienate anyone.

[Grey]

Have you contacted DAV? Depression and anxiety are covered by ADA. Have you had a disability assessment? Have you applied for SSDI?

[Turquoise]

Rebecca, don't give up hope! George/Grey has lots of good info for you. Keep trying all your avenues, especially try the things George has suggested. The government/VA thrives on wearing people down til they give up in frustration.

I watched my brother fight, argue and basically plead with the VA for years to get him help with back issues to depression to heart problems. He finally succeeded with the help from The Homeless Veterans Home in Ogden, Ut. in 2005 where he was living at the time, to get bypass surgery. It came too late for him tho, he died of a massive heart attack while shopping for groceries 2 weeks away from his scheduled surgery. He had his first heart attack at age 34, he was 61 when he died. What I'm getting at is he was told no to help many many times and he kept trying all those years. And he lived on the streets a lot of those years due to his depression and mental issues. Most of his adult years I never knew where he was at, didn't even know he was in Ogden til after his death.

[Grey]

The Disabled American Veterans (DAV) are a group of people dedicated to helping veterans receive everything that is due to them. They help navigate the disability process and have a very high success rate. Best of all, their services are free to veterans

[noblemacaw]

Hello my fellow parrot lovers,

I do appreciate everyone's kind words and very very good pointers and advise.

As for my health care I have been with the VA hospital system since 2003 when I was laied off from my last IT job and took a job with the TSA. Sure I could of gotten health care coverage though the Feds while working at the TSA expecially when I went full time but I knew I would not be with them longer than two years because of my enrollment in a radiological technician program. I did end up having to resign the TSA when it was time to do my clinical rotation. By the time I had to quit the program I was jobless but still had health benefits though the VA.

The VA did save my life. In the fall of 2007 I began having some "female problems" so I advocated strongly for the situation to be checked out. Since there was family history of uterus type cancers they honored my request. For three months I kept having to go in and have this ishy test done to me and they kept watching my ovary grow. The fourth month was the MRI and the next week I saw the VA gynecologist on a Thursday and that next Monday I was in surgery. The test of my ovary came back malignant and because the VA does not have a strong Woman's center I was refereed to the U of M oncologist gynecologist who ended up staging my cancer and performing a radical hysterectomy. I ended up surviving that ordeal but I will say that was the beginning of the end of where I land now. The VA saved my life. I am very grateful for that.

I am a very proactive person and have been for months in contact with organizations and personnel locally to educate myself on the system of being homeless, what is to happen IF I am actually homeless, submitting claims with the government because of the results of an incident that happened while I was actively serving in the Navy and everything in between with the state and county services.

My plan A includes - To become employed with a good job in my field so that I can work on saving money for "the move" and establish myself back into the work program while I am able to still live in my home. If I don't have enough funds saved to get myself into a rental situation then I will be able to receive emergency help for first, last months rent and security deposit. Meanwhile I am selling, donating, and giving away 3/4th of my belongings and training Valentino to be able to live in a rental situation. It is my objective to have a little personal belongings for then the bank takes the house. I have also filed for bankruptcy to help with my ruined financial state.

My Plan B includes - If I have not been working long enough or just stared working and the timing is to be out of here my best friend has offered her spare bedroom for temporary stay while in between situations (working but no home) while I apply for emergency funds and locate a place to live. The best part of this plan is she would welcome Valentino and love to have him. She is willing to foster him if I am in between places to live and am transient. She told me "I am willing to keep Valentino for you as long as you need because I know how important he is to you." I also know she is a bird lover and REALLY likes Valentino herself. The only negative thing about this is her husband. He has a short fuse and can get upset/angry easily and I know Valentino's screams will irritate him as he can't handle the screams of the parrot. I am reluctant to actually leave Valentino there without my staying there because of him. IF I end up having to leave Valentino there for a short period of time say for instance between moves and am not with him I would still do it AND go up to the house and visit him every other day to clean his cage and tree, make sure he has the fresh foods needed and to be with him.

My Plan C includes - This one is kind of depressing but necessary. If I am not working or can't hold the job or am having severe problems finding work by the time the bank takes my house I am in contact with the admissions person at the Hastings Veterans home. I have a friend that is living there and know what life would be like there. So I would be living in the home as temporary as possible but I would still have my car (who is under my Ex's name as she bought it and pays for it. Consider that alimony because I have done so much for her for her to get where she is today and well to be frank she at least owes me that since taking a huge part of causing my current threat of homelessness) so I can actively take care of things to continue to work to get back on my feet. If I can't acquire space in the home then I will have to have a back up for that scenario. That is still in the works because you really can't "set up" going from living in the house to anywhere for vets unless you are actually homeless.

If anyone can see any serious flaws with my plans or sees another avenue I can look into please let me know. I know I have gotten very personal on my posts and after this thread is settled I want to begin making wonderful posts about Valentino and tell his stories and post pictures for you to enjoy.

[Honesty]

The VA did save my life. In the fall of 2007 I began having some "female problems" so I advocated strongly for the situation to be checked out. Since there was family history of uterus type cancers they honored my request. For three months I kept having to go in and have this ishy test done to me and they kept watching my ovary grow. The fourth month was the MRI and the next week I saw the VA gynecologist on a Thursday and that next Monday I was in surgery. The test of my ovary came back malignant and because the VA does not have a strong Woman's center I was refereed to the U of M oncologist gynecologist who ended up staging my cancer and performing a radical hysterectomy. I ended up surviving that ordeal but I will say that was the beginning of the end of where I land now. The VA saved my life. I am very grateful for that.Sorry to hear about this Rebecca. This must have been an awful time for you :(


My plan A includes - To become employed with a good job in my field so that I can work on saving money for "the move" and establish myself back into the work program while I am able to still live in my home. If I don't have enough funds saved to get myself into a rental situation then I will be able to receive emergency help for first, last months rent and security deposit. Meanwhile I am selling, donating, and giving away 3/4th of my belongings and training Valentino to be able to live in a rental situation. It is my objective to have a little personal belongings for then the bank takes the house. I have also filed for bankruptcy to help with my ruined financial state.I hope you manage to find a good job. Fingers crossed for you!


My Plan B includes - If I have not been working long enough or just stared working and the timing is to be out of here my best friend has offered her spare bedroom for temporary stay while in between situations (working but no home) while I apply for emergency funds and locate a place to live. The best part of this plan is she would welcome Valentino and love to have him. She is willing to foster him if I am in between places to live and am transient. She told me "I am willing to keep Valentino for you as long as you need because I know how important he is to you." I also know she is a bird lover and REALLY likes Valentino herself. The only negative thing about this is her husband. He has a short fuse and can get upset/angry easily and I know Valentino's screams will irritate him as he can't handle the screams of the parrot. I am reluctant to actually leave Valentino there without my staying there because of him. IF I end up having to leave Valentino there for a short period of time say for instance between moves and am not with him I would still do it AND go up to the house and visit him every other day to clean his cage and tree, make sure he has the fresh foods needed and to be with him.I am glad you have a friend to stay with if this happens. This is great news that she will take care of Valentino for you if need be! At least you will still be able to see him and can take him with you when you find somewhere more permanent.


My Plan C includes - This one is kind of depressing but necessary. If I am not working or can't hold the job or am having severe problems finding work by the time the bank takes my house I am in contact with the admissions person at the Hastings Veterans home. I have a friend that is living there and know what life would be like there. So I would be living in the home as temporary as possible but I would still have my car (who is under my Ex's name as she bought it and pays for it. Consider that alimony because I have done so much for her for her to get where she is today and well to be frank she at least owes me that since taking a huge part of causing my current threat of homelessness) so I can actively take care of things to continue to work to get back on my feet. If I can't acquire space in the home then I will have to have a back up for that scenario. That is still in the works because you really can't "set up" going from living in the house to anywhere for vets unless you are actually homeless. I think plan B sounds a better option than this one :(


If anyone can see any serious flaws with my plans or sees another avenue I can look into please let me know. I can't advise you on any of this as our system here in the UK is far different than yours in the USA. I wish you all the luck in the world though Rebecca. You deserve a break and I am sure everything will turn out right for you in the end.


I know I have gotten very personal on my posts and after this thread is settled I want to begin making wonderful posts about Valentino and tell his stories and post pictures for you to enjoy.Look forward to hearing all about Valentino when things are more settled for you :)

[kendrafitz]

I don't have anything to add as you have gotten some awesome advice from people much more knowledgable than I am.

I did just want to let you know that I am routing for you. Sending you lots of good thoughts and hoping for the best for you and Valentino.