Mommy Guilt

[kendrafitz]

I am going to apologize in advance for this long winded post. I am just an anxious, guilty mess today.

The four humans in my house are leaving Friday for our Spring Break trip. We are taking back to back short Disney cruises on the same ship. Originally we were going to stay in Disney for 3 nights and then cruise for 4. I checked prices on the cruises Sunday and the 3 night cruise before ours was reduced so we changed plans. We cancelled the hotel and booked the cruise. It won't be much more expensive and beats dealing with super crowded parks. Needless to say, we are all very excited.

Well, everyone but me is super excited. I go between being excited, anxious about getting everything ready and feeling SUPER GUILTY. I am really feeling horribly about leaving Rosie home to go off and have fun. First time it has hit me this hard. Sigh...

I have sitters for her and the dogs all set to come here so I know she will be taken care of. But I still have a guilt knot in my stomach. I tried to compensate by ordering the queen a bunch of new toys and treats. Still guilty.

The other thing that is bugging me is the time (3 days) she will spend with my mother in law. My mil has had a fear of parrots since she can remember. She likes Rosie and will hang out with her and chat but that is it. So I have my neighbor set up to come let Rosie out and put her to bed for the days my mil will be here. Which has worked in the past. However, I have been letting Rosie's flight feathers grow in and she has been flying a bit. When Rosie starts flapping, my mother in law threatens to hide in the bathroom. Since Rosie is usually subdued when my mil is visiting, I have my fingers crossed it won't be an issue. But I also believe in Murphy's Law, so I am worried. Jef wanted me to take Rosie to get clipped, but I didn't bc I want to give her a chance to fly. She is so much more in control now it is incredible. Anyway, that's my worry about my mil. If Rosie flies, it could be mass chaos.

So I am feeling like a very bad parrot mommy for leaving my spoiled queen. Mommy guilt is the absolute worst!!!

[Pinkbirdy]

I wish I was closer [id bird sit } :)

[Mare]

Yes, Kendra, I know how you feel. The problem with your mil's fear is, what if Rosie flew off her cage, could she get back on her own? Does Rosie react to mil's fear, as in being aggressive? What I did when we left for 10 days, in November, was have to let go of my worries about Amigo being caged through that whole time, otherwise, I knew my trip would have been ruined (for me) and I may as well not go. We had someone here full time but he couldn't handle the birds, other than make sure they were fed and watered.

I made extra chew toys for Amigo and Sassy and our sitter made sure they had plenty of cardboard and paper to shred throughout the week. Is Rosie's cage large enough that she could stay in it through that time? At least you know she would be safe, probably missing you and bored but safe.

[kendrafitz]

Thanks Terri, I would have loved it as would Rosie. ;)

[kendrafitz]

Mare - thanks for the help. Rosie just is quieter than usual with my mil. No aggressiveness. Sometimes she will put up her foot and ask her for a ride to me, which is quickly rejected. ;)

Yes, Rosie would be able to get back to her cage. Sometimes when the dogs are outside, we let her walk to her cage and she climbs right up once she gets there. We never do it when the dogs are in the house. I don't trust her not to go after the dogs (today she ran at them Mohawk up, beak open for having the nerve to come onto the opposite side the big couch we were on. They ran away, poor things) I also don't trust Teddy not to hurt her if she lands on the floor (I have to run and get her - Teddy is the sweetest thing, but not smart. He has killed baby bunnies he found outside while "playing" with them before we realized what he was doing). So they don't mix. That would be a concern for me. My neighbor is on call for emergencies, but it would take time for her to get here. I know my mil would never go to pick Rosie up if she was on the floor. She would corral the dogs, but it could be a three ring circus.

Maybe I will just ask my neighbor to hang for an hour in the am and then an hour in the pm and let her out. I am just not sure if Rosie would freak about going back in her cage so quickly.

I think her cage is 36", does that sound right? I got whatever Bird Paradise said I should. Sometimes they have two macaws in the same cage at BP. She would be ok in her cage but really po'd and bored. She hasn't spent any real amount of time in a cage since she was at Bird Paradise. Once I took her home when she was around four months, she has been out and about. She doesn't like to poop in her cage and isn't thrilled about eating in there either. It is basically just for sleeping and when I go out. But I guess 3 days wouldn't hurt her. Ugh!

My mom will be here Mon - Fri with her friend and Rosie should have free reign then. Once in a while she will try to bluff my mom, but she knows she isn't going to win. She only gets aggressive (slightly) when she is being forced to do something she doesn't want to. Like go to bed or get off me. Rough life she has. ;)

Were Your guys ok being caged that long? I worry about her getting so distraught she could start plucking. But that may just be me being neurotic and not really valid.

[Mare]

Gosh, I wish I had all the answers but not knowing your mom or Rosie well enough, sounds like you are going to have to make a judgement call and hope for the best. If the neighbor can get over quickly, if needed, would that work? Amigo has a six foot high, walk in cage. He can't fly in it but has room to crawl around and Sassy's is quite large for her size, I think it was made to hold a larger bird. To me, naturally, there will never be a cage big enough :). They handled the time we were gone, just fine. Our sitter was in and out of their room often and said he would hang out and visit for awhile a few times a day.

By the time we got home, every chew toy (I made six wires hung with six-seven blocks of wood) hung all around his cage, every rope perch and all but one wood perch,,was on the bottom of his cage! (The rope perches were just wire by this time) If we hadn't got home when we did, he would have been sitting on the bottom of his cage! He's a chewer and I'd rather see him chew that than himself. Sassy's cage was a mess but she entertains herself well as long as she has something to keep her busy. Chip was free most of that time.

I had the same concerns you are having but if you can stay in contact with mom and neighbor, hopefully, that will help alleviate some of your concerns.

[kendrafitz]

Thanks Mare! I think you are right, I will just have to figure it out and cross my fingers. It has all worked out in the past, just the flying aspect is new.

Hopefully her new swag and her regular toys will keep her busy. Will add cardboard as well, thanks for the idea. She loves to rip it up in my office. Never thought if putting some in her cage. :)

Wish we had room for a walk in cage, that is awesome. Her cage is big, it takes over my dining room. It is taller than me and I could fit in it, but not a walk in. I am always envious when I read of people having walk in enclosures. :)

[Turquoise]

I feel for you Kendra. I don't have any words of encouragement meaning anything of help since I have never left on a trip of any kind since I brought my flock home.

Mine do have to spend a good part of the time in their enclosures on my work days. That's why I have walk in enclosures for my macaws. I knew they would need plenty of room to entertain themselves while I slept for work on my 4. Funny thing is my crew sometimes prefer to stay in their homes playing when I go to let them out. Leyla Belle is the only one I can guarantee will come out every time. LOL

Like Mare I would suggest to opt to keep Rosie in her cage while MIL is watching her. If your neighbor can come over and give her some quality time out, I think she can survive 3 days without you. And you need to be able to relax and let the guilt go. All kids need some time away from Mom & Dad too.

[Debra]

Kendra -- On the cardboard thing, you might go to the local pizza shop and ask for a pizza box. You can then use that as a foraging toy for her to destroy. Who knows, they might not charge you for one if you tell them it's for your bird.

I'm sure things will go fine while you are away. You can always phone your mom to see how she and Rosie are doing.

[kendrafitz]

Thanks Debra! I will try to get to a pizzeria before we leave. If not, I have a bunch of new shipping boxes she has done a number on. I figured I could always give those to her to finish off.

I feel better today. She has been happily demolishing her new toys so hopefully they will keep her occupied. :)

I won't be able to call unless we are at a port, but I will check in when I can. It is probably better that I can't call in much. Will force me to relax and not think about it.

Thanks again everyone. I am sure it will all be good. :)

[Honesty]

Don't feel guilty about going away Kendra. I am sure Rosie will be fine. Have you made the recording of your voice yet for your MIL to play while you are away? This really has helped with Codie while I have been away :)

[kendrafitz]

Thanks Wendy. Since I am ever the procrastinator, I didn't make it yet.

I actually just finished packing. Which is better than usual for me. My son asked if I was going to be up until 2am like usual packing for tomorrow. So finishing by 10 is good. :)

I actually tried to spend a lot of cuddle time with Rosie which put me behind. I let her stay up late and hang with us in my room. I know she will be in her cage most if the day tomorrow. Tried to alleviate my guilt a bit.

Will be off tomorrow until next weekend. Thank you all for your encouragement. :) I really appreciate you all helping a neurotic parrot mommy feel a bit better.

[Mare]

Safe travels, Kendra! The first time away from your baby, is the hardest. Just think positive, all will be fine :)

[kendrafitz]

Thanks Mare!

This isn't our first trip without her. But for some reason this is the first time I am having such a hard time. Little red diva gets a firmer grip on my heart every day I guess. ;)

[Turquoise]

Have a safe trip Kendra. And I'll let you in on a little secret~~Rosie is not the only one who will be missing you!

We will all be waiting right here with open arms to welcome you home on the chatting limb. And a bunch of photos and what ya'll did is what we/me asks for as ransom. LOL :)