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Wulfgeist
08-16-2013, 01:24 AM
I lost Jasper on Tuesday and I am having a really hard time coping. There have been a few minor changes in my life recently including a move to a new place. I haven't let him out much just because everything is new and I've been busy moving things in mostly on my own as time allows. I was off work on Monday and in the late afternoon decided "hey bud, you want to come out for a while?".

I put a paper down in front of his cage and opened the door, went about my business. He climbed around for little bit and then something spooked him, he tried to follow me..not sure. He still hasn't gotten full wings yet and hit the floor.

What I am still trying to figure out even now is how I could have forgotten the cat..

Not long after I moved I took in another cat. He's just a slip of a cat but former stray intact male. Where I am currently living is only one room, a finished basement so there's no where to keep the cat apart from my others. When I can't supervise him he has to stay in a large kennel because his current cat skills are in direct opposition to living in a multi-cat household.

I am not sure how I could have forgotten the cat. I had let him out and he was happily basking in a deep cushioned window sill in the sun with birds and squirrels right outside the window. He's a former stray, I know nothing about this cat aside from to assume he's a danger to the birds.

I'm not sure where my mind was when I let Jasper out of his cage.

After I plucked Crowley off of him and tossed him back in his cage I checked Jasper over but from what I could feel, I didn't feel any wounds. Then I saw a drip of blood..I had a hell of time trying to figure out where it came from..then there was another..I got him toweled and checked under his wings..found the blood..it looked like it was coming from a broken feather or two..no corn starch..run up to the store for some, come back and towel him again stop the bleeding and start calling vets. My vet doesn't do birds, try the emergency one..they don't do birds..by now it's 6 and everyone is closing. Nothing else I can really do now but see how he is in the morning, he really needs antibiotics just in case..

Tuesday morning I get up for work and he's not himself. I call in and start looking again, find a vet that does birds, office opens at 7. Call and get him right in.

This is the part that upsets me and maybe some of you more experienced folks can tell me if this is normal or not. In order to examine him the vet requests to take him back to another room "where they usually look at birds". I just wanted him better so I said ok and that he isn't fond of toweling but when I had him toweled earlier I covered his face and he was calm. For at *least* 5 minutes maybe closer to 10 Jasper was screaming and squawking the whole time.

They bring him back, vet tells me he actually has a puncture wound on his wing there (I told him about my examination and using corn starch to stop the bleeding the night before) and that he put some surgical glue on it. He gave me some pain killers for him and some antibiotics to put in water. That was it, good bye, let us know how he does.

Get him home give him a dose of the pain meds. I just put it in his beak and let him do the swallowing. I mix up some dosed water and do the same with a little of it. I put him back in his cage and I'd say an hour or less later he was falling off his perch and was held up by his outstreched wings. I get him down from there and put a towel in the bottom of the cage, get him nested in it with food and water at hand but I'm watching him and he's just not looking right. He acts drunk and disoriented and before I can call the vet back he starts having seizures. He has a few close together and then he's gone. I would not have made it back to the vet in time if there was anything they could have done.

I didn't bother with a necropsy. My guess would be he lost too much blood. I know birds can't lose much and at the time I only saw a couple drips. After the fact I started noticing there was probably more than I thought. Maybe there was nothing to be done for that, maybe I should have expressed more concern to the vet for it. I wish to hell I had not let them take him away from me, maybe I could have done something to keep him a little more calm. I can't help but think that stress didn't help the situation any either. Knowing the true cause of death will do nothing to bring him back.

I'm just beyond upset at myself for spacing the cat. I can't be mad really at the cat, he probably just thought the bird gods answered his prayers.

No more hearing "Want veg-ables" in the morning or being burped at (thanks Aunt Linda) every time I'm on the phone. No more squawking like a chicken or cooing like a pigeon. No more having to constantly answer "What color?" (I think he was teaching *me*).

His urn should be here on Saturday and I'm still shopping around for someplace to have him cremated. Or maybe I am putting it off because I can't believe he's no longer in my life. A couple times now I've taken his bundle out of the freezer to look at a moment, I can't believe he is gone.

Please no flaming about the dangers of cats and birds. I have always been careful with my cats, I know the dangers. I just don't know what the hell happened to me this time to not even give it a thought.

I miss you, Jas, my life will no longer be the same, but it is already different having known you. Thank you for the sunshine and the laughs when I needed them most.

plax
08-16-2013, 04:41 AM
Hi RJ. I'm so terribly sorry about Jasper :(. I understand that the pain you're feeling is immeasurable. My eyes were nowhere near dry while reading your description of what occurred, and especially while reading the part about Jasper's special personality. The things he used to say to you were incredibly hard to hear about. I offer you my deep, heartfelt condolences and I sincerely empathize with the devastation you are feeling over Jasper's passing. I can only imagine what it must be like trying to cope with such a huge and sudden void in your life.

Sometimes it's difficult to realize how fragile these wonderful feathered companions truly are - both physically and emotionally. And that applies to the smallest and the largest ones, alike. I realize that it's too late to dwell heavily on the details of what happened. But a few questions that have occurred to me, are: 1) What was the "pain killer" substance that the vet prescribed? 2) Was the dosage correct for Jasper's weight? 3) How much of a factor might the stress Jasper was under while in the procedure room have been? 4) Was the vet who treated Jasper in fact an experienced avian veterinarian? But irrespective of the answers, sadly, nothing can bring Jasper back. And for that I am profoundly sorry :'(

Please don't beat yourself up over what happened, RJ. Being hard on yourself can't help diminish the pain you're feeling right now. I have no doubt that Jasper knew you loved him... it's best to remember him as the wonderful bird that he was and to not over-hash those terrible final events. That said, I must admit that I too feel heartbroken after reading about your extraordinarily painful experience and loss :(

Honesty
08-16-2013, 06:10 AM
RJ, I am so sorry for your loss of Jasper. I know how much you loved him, I always loved reading your stories about him.

Please dont blame yourself. I know how careful you always were with your Cats and Birds together. This was a very unfortunate accident. Sending hugs to you. :th_hug8:

Turquoise
08-16-2013, 08:35 AM
I am so so sorry to hear about Jasper RJ. He sounded like a super boy. It is so hard to lose one of our feathered kids. They are supposed to live a long life. We never know or understand why things like this happen. There is a reason & one day Jasper will send you a sign that he is ok with it.

Fly high Sweet Jasper over the Rainbow Bridge. Watch over your loved ones & help them heal from this.

kendrafitz
08-16-2013, 11:16 AM
I am so, so sorry for your loss of Jasper! I am sending you a big hug and lots of good thoughts.

Please know this was an accident and not your fault. Don't be hard on yourself, you did everything you could. Jasper knows that and knows how much you loved him. He is looking down at you now with nothing but love and happiness at the wonderful life he had with you.

spiritbird
08-16-2013, 12:50 PM
We all know the pain and grief you are experiencing. When you can bring yourself to write please tell us more about Jasper's life and photos if you want. This type of writing helps with the letting go process. Birdie hugs to you...........

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Debra
08-16-2013, 01:25 PM
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

Mare
08-16-2013, 04:56 PM
Ohh, I'm so sorry, I know how you must feel, fly free little Jasper and keep watch over those you loved. Hugs, RJ..

Mayden
08-16-2013, 05:34 PM
I was wondering if you were going to post about this, it's so hard to get all that emotion out in words and I'm so sorry for your loss. Still here if you need me. xxx

Blancaej
08-16-2013, 06:03 PM
I am so so sorry to hear about your loss. Sometimes things happen in life that are out of our control. I hope you are able to move on from this, but always keep Jasper in your heart. He gave you an amazing 2 years as you did him. I lost a dog at 2 years old and people always reminded me to remember that she had a great life while I did have her! You remember the same. Remember the good times. ;)

headfeathermistress
08-16-2013, 06:11 PM
I am so sorry for your loss.

Wulfgeist
08-16-2013, 08:32 PM
I don't remember the names of the medicines he prescribed and I tossed them out after Jasper passed. There are so many "what-ifs" floating in my head I'm trying to dismiss them all. I loved that bird like crazy and anyone who knew me knew it, too. He never really wanted for anything (I still prefer well-loved over spoiled ;) ), had lots of puzzle/forage toys. I was digging around and found pictures and a few little vidoes of when he was wee. I had forgotten the little beeps he used to make. I don't love him any less but I hate seeing that empty cage and would love to have it filled again. Babies are cute but I wouldn't mind taking in an abandoned older bird either. Time will tell and I know when the time is right he will send another my way.

For now, a nugget:

I know many of you are familiar with My Safe Bird Store and the little goody bag Kathie sends with the order. For those who aren't, when your order arrives you will find a printed invoice of your order tied up in a bag with some candy for you and some treats for your birds, foot toys or something. The one time we got this sample of some tropical bird cookies.
"Hey Jasper, look! Cookies! Do you want to try a cookie?"
No, Jasper did not like the cookies. I tried a couple times but he kept tossing them aside, no likely. There were maybe 5 of them or so in this crinkly plastic bag. I kept it folded over and put on my desk. I also keep a bag of cat treats (aka kitty candy) in the computer desk drawer for the cats. One day my oldest current cat, a handsome black fellow named Oliver came up and stretched up on the desk, encountered the folded bag of cookies and started batting at it. At that moment from that amazing beak came: "Oliver wants a cookie"......
I was stunned. He'd proven his smarts to me before, I knew he was a bright guy..but this..no one would ever believe this. He always had a way of saying or doing something to keep me enchanted and ever amazed.

plax
08-16-2013, 10:21 PM
Wow, Jasper's amusing and entirely appropriate comment about Oliver and the cookies is incredible! He was obviously a thinker. I'm glad that you have some photos and videos of him. They'll help refresh your fond memories. You and Jasper positively touched one another's lives... nothing can change that fact!

Wulfgeist
08-17-2013, 02:29 AM
11261127

Jasper's urn arrived today. It's all so surreal still.

Turquoise
08-17-2013, 02:52 AM
That is a beautiful resting place for Jasper. Jasper is looking down and saying you picked a good one. :th_hug8:

It is amazing how our feathered kids just know when to say the perfect thing! They are so much in tune to their world around them than many give them credit for. Most of us who share our lives with these awesome creatures get the pleasure of finding out in a funny way when least expected. It is wonderful!!:th_biggrin:

ShellyBorg
08-17-2013, 05:32 AM
I am so sorry...

Debra
08-17-2013, 01:03 PM
Beautiful urn for a beautiful bird. I'm so sorry for your loss.

JadeC
08-18-2013, 11:45 PM
I am SO sorry for your loss.... From what I read and saw of you and Jasper, I could tell you loved him very much. You're in my thoughts. :(

spiritbird
08-19-2013, 12:12 PM
Jasper will be with you forever, even though not in the present. I posted a sticky in the bereavement thread on the bird Rainbow Bridge. The words are soft and kind. Posting this was a memorial to Jasper.

Wulfgeist
08-19-2013, 10:30 PM
That is very sweet, Dianne, thank you.

:th_GREY:

Maddy
08-19-2013, 10:43 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss! Fly free sweet Jasper! :th_hug8: